Ahhh, Blessed Resolve

Something magical and wonderful happened yesterday. I had a productive day. Over the last 3 to 6 months, I've been dealing with the unresolve. The feeling that there's a cartoon frying pan aimed at my head and I won't know where it's coming from, but I will get smacked into oblivion when I least expect it. Wednesday we had a staff fun/retreat day. Of course, my boss couldn't let it all be about fun (he scheduled visits to 2 other similar programs so that we could get new ideas to refresh us) but the first part of the day was group choclate making at Chocolate Etc. in Wycoff. What a magical place!! We painted with white chocolate tinted with food coloring, we filled molds with milk chocolate. We made our own mini Nestle Crunch bars! Yet, when I arrived home that evening, still no joy. Happiness, but no joy. My desk at work still had piles, my house still has Christmas decorations up. (I am my mother's daughter...) But Thursday, my boss was out of the office most of the day. Now, my trainer will say that it's because I finally showed up at the gym for the first time since before Christmas, but yesterday, I was EN FUEGO!!! (classic sports center reference for you Ry-boy) I sorted, I answered mail, I deposited money! And when my boss finally came in, he asked me questions that I had immediate answers for. Now in total retrospect, I spent Sunday in church totally and completely broken. Desperate to move to the suburbs and forget I existed. But after all the shredding on Sunday, I think I'm realizing that my passion for life, my desire for joy is going to come first out of my relationship with God. If it isn't good, there will be no joy. Now, I'm not saying that all is magically wonderful between me and God. I've still got some scary questions and am confronting some territory that I've kept hidden for waaaay too long. But for some reason, I know now that it's going to be ok. I feel like there should be more to end this, but nope. It's just going to be ok.