The Dark Side

No star wars jokes here... feeling a little down and need to process. Tonight was the second half of our New City production, our annual spring fundraiser. Last night was over at the office, with all the ASC kids in tow and a 3 advil headache to sleep off. Tonight, after teaching all morning, trying to unwind with the Masters, I headed out to North Haledon for the second show. I got a really late start after arguing with Quickbooks for far too long and was stressed about it. The show was amazing, we had a far better turn out than we've ever had there, and I'm sure once I look at the pledge cards tomorrow, it will have been a sucessful weekend. North Haledon is closer to where most of our donors are and while it's a nice area, you have to go through Paterson to get there, which is a not so nice area. So while driving home, I was just overcome with frustration. I begged God to tell me why He won't let me leave the city. I'm so desperate for a house of my own, but I hesitate to actually buy anywhere in Jersey City because that will tie me here. I'm tired of horrible drivers, angry people and lack of parking. I'm tired of streetlights that shine in my window at night, I'm tired of groups hanging on the corner, tired of wondering if I'm going to have to deal with crap just to get to my house. I'm tired of not having enough cupboards to store my tupperware. I'm tired of my living room being my office, my family room, my library. I'm tired of my dog not being able to be off his leash except at the dog run, where he's harrased indignantly by ill-behaved dogs (if you catch my innuendo...) I'm tired of having to sit on my toilet (using it or not) just so to enjoy a serene patch of grass. I'm tired of litter, too many keys and alarm systems. I'm tired of murder, telling homeless I don't have any change and corruption in the system. I'm tired of lack of decency, lack of kindness and lack of tact. I keep trying to try again. Tonight I can't try anymore....
Sorry to be a downer. Thanks for listening.