New Horizons

So with the surgery looming on Thursday, we headed out to the Poconos just for a day since we won't be able to come out again til Dad's big birthday weekend. It's so quiet here. Joe called me out on the deck this morning to see a deer staring at us from the hill behind the house. Maybe 200 yards away. (speedy was going nuts, tried to crawl under the deck gate!) This time, when we got in the car to come out, there wasn't the usual pressure of "get there, get there..." stress over traffic, worrying about Speedy. (he still puked in the car, but neither Joe or I got really angry over it.) Lately, I've been trying to walk and sit without hunching my shoulders, hold my head a little higher, stress a little less. It feels good. I've been asking myself some tough questions. If I never get to act again, will I be ok with that? Am I satisfied to write as long as it's providing us a secure income? Can I be secure in what God has, rather than what I feel I must provide? Jennn made a comment recently that got me thinking. She told me I wasn't satisfied with where I was. That I was always wanting more. Some of it comes from being a slight perfectionist, but lately I've been meditating on Philippians 4. One of the few things I can meditate on because I actually memorized it. Paul says: "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation." I need to learn that secret. And I need to distinguish in my mind that being content with where I am doesn't mean not striving for who God wants me to be, nor does it mean that I'm being complacent and lazy. It means I'm ok as I am. I'm seeking the Lord, I'm asking for His direction and trying to follow it. I don't need to know what the one hundredth step is going to be. I need to simply step in the next footstep of God I see. This bit of revelation could be due to the fact that there was an Indiana Jones marathon on last night (we watched the end of Temple of Doom and then Last Crusade) And though I fell asleep through my favorite part (where he steps off onto the invisible bridge... the most amazingly spiritual cinematography I've ever seen!) It reminded me that though I may see the Knight on the other side and know I want to go there, I must take that terrifying first step into nothingness to get there. I think for the last 2 years I've been pacing back and forth on the ledge, debating about the step, reasoning out the step, theorizing about the other side and the Knight and the choice about the cup of Christ when I finally get there. Now it's time to take the step. Yes? I think my all time favorite movie line comes from the end of that movie too. After the Nazi guy drinks from the ornate gold cup and shrivels up and dies, the Knight looks at Indy and the chick and says simply: "He chose...... Poorly." Oh to be Indy and choose wisely. But first to that step....