Really?

The spare tire was stolen off my jeep last night. While parked on the quiet side street next to my building. At the top of the block where 4 streets intersect. Under a streetlight that has been out for months. Really? Joe has been saying that a lot lately, with a very sarcastic bent to it. We had gone out to the Poconos Saturday and Sunday to have some quiet before the surgery. While out there, Joe made the comment that he wanted the weekend to be a first step towards getting back to myself. I've been so fearful, so in need of control lately that I jump at my own shadow. And we had a great time. I read, worked on my creative play lesson plans which will eventually become a book, and just generally relaxed. It was wonderful. And then on the way home, it couldn't make it's mind up if it wanted to be rainy or sunny, so it was both. I said, as we turned a corner, "Should be a rainbow somewhere." Now despite what that beautiful symbol has come to stand for in the last 20 years, I still see the rainbow as a representation of God's promises to me. Not just that He won't destroy the world by flood again, but that He keeps his promises. As we played tag through the trees with it, the rainbow appeared to be very vivid at times and faint at others. I assumed this was due to the varying amounts of sun. Imagine my joy when we came to a clearing and saw that it was a double rainbow that seemed to be touching down on one of the golf courses we'll be playing with dad in 2 weeks. Kind of an inside joke between God and me. Double His promises, double His blessings and a golf course to boot. And then today. But as everything raged inside me this morning, "How dare they! Is there no safety and security left in my neighborhood? It was probably some crackhead who sold it so they could buy more drugs!" I was then reminded of a newsletter from a friend who works in Newark, in a much worse neighborhood than mine. He tells the story of coming to Newark to visit his grandfather, to essentially get his grandfather to give up the crazy idea of ministering in Newark. In the midst of talking to his grandfather, they come upon a crackhead on their doorstep, bleeding from her head from a fall. My friend watches as his grandfather cleans up this woman and then sends her to a shelter. But that's not the part of the story that stuck in my head this morning. A year or so later, after Danny has responded to the call and is doing amazing things in Newark, who should he find on his doorstep but that same crackhead, bloody and near unconsciousness. He follows in his grandfather's footsteps reminded that but for some different circumstances, it could be him, bleeding and strung out. I have built for myself an invisible prison of safety and security. I told myself that I could live in this neighborhood as long as we didn't get robbed or our house broken into. Our old car, the Geo Metro, Herbie, was broken into twice. It hurt at the time, but now we laugh about it. Today it's not so easy to laugh. Funny, I can almost feel the war of Romans 7 almost playing itself out in me. I so want to say, "it's only stuff. God is bigger. I'm ok. He's still in control." But the other side is screaming, "God! Why did you come make me live here with THESE people. The crackheads and people who have no decency or self control, who care more about their clothes and their ride than their neighborhood, people who steal other peoples tires!" And so I see that God's double blessing hasn't left (ironically, once we got back on the freeway on the way home, there was a remnant of the rainbow in the sky until it got dark. God's promises are just as true in the city as they are in the country.) His blessing hasn't left because He hasn't left. He brought me here. I know that. And my security isn't in me being able to provide all my needs, but in Him providing. My safety isn't in a car alarm that would alert me to the crackheads, but that He hasn't let me be harmed since I've been here. To quote a president, the only thing I have to fear is fear itself, and the word says that perfect love drives out fear. Pray with me today that perfect love wins.